A review of Perranporth Golf Club - the fastest greens in the west.
Sunday 28th August. 12.19pm. Cornwall.
Stuart, 'starter' for the Perranporth Open Men's Greensomes, was already regretting volunteering for the afternoon shift.
Focussing on his hastily edited tee sheet he wondered how, just two groups into the competition, things could have unravelled so fast...
"Right. The order on the tee will be as follows: Jon..."
Jon stepped forward and pushed his tee peg in the turf.
..."then Pete..."
Pete smiled and shuffled forward.
..."then Keith..."
Keith raised a gloved hand in acknowledgement.
..."followed by Simon".
Simon nodded.
..."then Dave..."
Dave grinned. Or was it a wince? Difficult to know when you're literally being introduced for the first time.
..."and lastly Rob".
Rob grabbed the driver from his bag. (A club that was to behave that afternoon as if they had fallen out in the car park and were resolved not to get on for the rest of the day).
With the rollcall finally over, there was just enough room beside the tee box for half a dozen golfers and trolleys to taxi into the correct batting order.
Dave, decked out in, what we would later learn was his default colour scheme of black and orange, observed:
"This will be a first. I've never played in a six-ball before".
Everyone on the tee agreed.
This was going to be a bit different.
24 hours earlier...
Pete and I arrived at Perranporth Golf Club (PERRANPORTH GOLF CLUB) on Saturday the 27th August for the first of two rounds of golf that weekend.
It's a fair trek from Sussex to Cornwall but Perranporth definitely proved to be worth it.
Saturday was the first day of the Club's 'Open week'.
Pete had been wanting to play the course for a while.
I had played it (badly) in1997 and was"keen to revisit.
So, when a few weeks ago we spotted an opportunity to play in Perranporth's 'Festival of Golf', neither of us took much persuading to make the trip.
And here we were. Arriving well ahead of our 2.04pm tee time we headed straight to the clubhouse to sign in.
Club members Paul and Stuart greeted us.
"Have you played here before?" Paul enquired.
"Not me". Replied Pete.
"A long time ago...but I don't remember much of it" I added.
"Are you playing with a member?".
"No" we nonchalantly replied.
"No! Oh dear". exclaimed Paul.
Immediately recognising that he'd came across as a tad alarmist, Paul looked for a way to finish the encounter on a slightly more positive note...
"Well, I'm sure you'll be fine. If in doubt the marker posts are a pretty good line to take...Sorry I've got to dash, I'm in the first group out at 11.00."
To be fair it was going to take more than that to dampen our spirits.
Don't get me wrong. Pete and I were grateful for Paul's warm welcome and the honest caution about taking on the course 'unguided'.
But we weren't about to let that skew our pre-game routine.
Like all good Downsmen, we headed straight to the dining room. There we summarily dismissed our hosts' concerns while getting stuck in to a generously proportioned 'full English'.
A while later, with breakfast over, we ventured out on to the putting green.
Perranporth being famous for its fast greens it was time to get acclimatised.
The course sits snugly within dunes high above Perranporth beach. At ground level the contours of the rolling topography often hide fairways and greens from view.
But a rather different truth emerges when viewed from overhead. An aerial perspective reveals that there is very little vegetation to speak of. The whole course is exposed.
Consequently, there is nothing to protect the greens from being baked as hard as teak by the wind and the sun.
I suspect the green keepers don't so much cut the greens as merely polish them first thing in the morning.
Whatever it is they do, the combination of nature and nurture certainly results in the quickest greens I've ever putted on.
When I think of Perranporth's greens I always recall a quote from Sam Snead:
"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow"
But the great thing about the greens is that they are as true as they are quick. Once you've mastered pace, picking a good line is invariably rewarded.
Saturday was single's stroke play.
Pete and I played ok without threatening the leader board and took a few thoughts away with us.
Firstly, 'local knowledge' (previous knowledge) of playing the course is probably worth a good 4-6 shots around Perranporth'.
Secondly, those greens are fantastic!
Thirdly, it's as hilly a walk on a course as either of us could remember!
But there was no time to be tired.
The other attraction of playing Perranporth was the proximity to the friends we had prevailed upon to be part of the trip.
Friday night we'd stayed with a former Downsman, now living in Kings Nympton, just north of Barnstaple. We'd had a great night with Mr and Mrs King and been made warmly welcome by all those we'd met at The Grove, their local pub, and absolute focal point of the village.
Saturday and Sunday we were staying with my oldest and dearest friends, in Trevarth about 20 minutes from Perranporth.
Trevarth is a Cornish hamlet in the Parish of Lanner.
It makes Kings Nympton seem like Vegas.
It's tiny, befitting its 'hamlet' status.
As it happens, some hastily conducted research reveals that a website called Culturalworld.org offers a number of insights about hamlets.
This is one of them:
'Hamlets are infrequently visited, because they lack formal accommodations for tourists and they typically don't have any attractions which would generate interest.'
Well, in this case, I beg to differ.
If your best friends live in a hamlet you tend to find yourself visiting frequently.
They are the best of all reasons to be a tourist and are an attraction that always holds the greatest of interest.
As with Perranporth Golf Course, perspective is key.
Now that's not to 'dis' CulturalWorld.
The website 'About' button reveals this about their credo:
CulturalWorld provides millions of readers with clear answers to common questions. It's built for curious people of all ages, backgrounds and areas of interest.
Strictly speaking, I don't know if that's true.
The quality assurance budget at golf101 is very non-existent.
But I am a curious person with an age, background and areas of interest.
So, I might just explore their website further...sometime...maybe...if I don't get side-tracked...which I think I've just demonstrated...happens often...
Anyway, back to that six-ball...
If you've already worked out the numbers and the format you've recognised this...
...all six of us would tee off, but after that, each pair would choose their preferred tee shot, and then play that ball only, alternating shots from that point within the pair.
In essence a six-ball on the tee, but a three-ball from the fairway.
Pete and I scored well on the front nine, mostly down to some precise chipping and bold putting.
On the back nine we didn't make the most of some promising situations at a few holes.
And that was all it took to make the difference between an average score and a half decent one.
But do you know what? We were quicker round the course as a 'six' than we were the day before as a 'three'. Go figure.
Would I recommend playing as a six-ball?
No. There are just too many people and too much going on, all the way around, to keep your focus.
Would I recommend playing Perranporth Golf Course?
Yes. Emphatically yes!
It's moonscape layout and superfast putting surfaces lend the golf-course an 'otherworldly' feel.
And everyone we encountered at the club was just so helpful and friendly.
Sam and Emma in the office, Steve in the pro-shop, Paul and Stuart on the first tee, the aimable guy in the kitchen whose name we didn't get...thank you, you all contributed to a great experience.
To our friends, the golf was good, but time spent with you was infinitely better.
You are, of course, the real reason the trip will live long in the memory.
...that and writing about it of course. That definitely helps with the whole 'not forgetting' thing too.
Next time: Top Meadow (On Tour) 2022. Twelve golfers fighting it out for a Chequered Jacket, Corby Trouser Press, Bob's Presentation Shield, Whicker Donkey, Viking Helmet, Knitted Superhero...etc. etc.
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